and i don't really like the fact that everyone is working an angle. i've tried to discuss my situation with people whom i thought were friends. the fact is, they took that information and applied it to their own personal benefit. that really gets my goat, damn it. i come to you in confidence, and seeking guidance. in turn, you try to push your own agenda on me. i see how it is now, and believe me, i'm glad to know the truth of the matter now rather than later.
i'm glad that i do have one friend, my beautiful sunshine, who respects and listens to me. he doesn't try to figure out how he'll benefit; he asks questions that make me consider more deeply things that i hadn't thought of before. for that, i can't love him enough. thank you, my knight in plastic armour.
i simply had to get that out of my system. it's been nagging at me for a while now, and i do feel better.
it's been almost 3 months since my granpa has passed. i'm still not okay with it, and i still haven't dealt with it on several levels. i'm hoping that time will help me to fix that, as i try to begin a journey of self-improvement. will it work? i don't know. will i find everything i'm looking for? probably not. but, i can't let these things discourage me! i must keep moving forward, looking to the horizon, finding the silver lining.
i can do this.
